01

I woke up with so much grief in my body. 

Like the weight of my feet, hitting the concrete, might jostle a sob free. 

But then a girl sat next to me on the subway, and the tiny teddy bear tied to my bag fell onto her lap. 

Tenderly I moved it back.

Like its alive and has feelings, and I’m a child who really believes that. 

Which made me laugh.

How silly I am, despite my grief. 

How frivolously I move through the world…

Sad as I am, I still have to laugh. 

02

Everything aches 

But then I’m at the salon and a stranger is washing my hair like they love me and the aching quiets for a moment. 

It reminds me of begging my mom to wash my hair in the sink when I was little. 

At the same age, sometimes if I fell asleep in the car, I might be carried inside and instead of waking me, they would clean each of my limbs, gently with a warm cloth. 

I under estimate how much something good and kind and tender, though small,

Can make up for the ache. 

(I think we still cry when we want to be held.)